Rethinking

I debated whether or not to write about this but I figure why not be open, a blog is supposed to be all about our thoughts.  Prior to starting the adoption process I spent many months going back and forth with myself as to whether or not we should pursue this adoption.   I read a lot of stuff on the internet that terrified me.  But then I would read blogs where the people really looked happy and the kids looked happy.  We eventually decided to move forward and things got really exciting.  I couldn’t move through the paperwork stage fast enough.  At the end of May the paperwork was done and all we had to do was sit back and wait for a referral.  Well what do you do when you have time to waste??  I started reading the internet again and started to get cold feet.  You know, the fear that I’m going to destroy my family with a child that turns out to be more than I can handle.  All logic said what are you doing??  Jax will be in school soon and you will have time to yourself to get organized, you can take cooking classes, volunteer at the school.  We could invest the money we saved for the adoption and be financially more secure.  All of that sounds so great but something inside was still driving me to pursue this child that was going to be so difficult to bring home and may hate me for the first year that she is here.  I couldn’t understand why I kept going through the motions to move forward with this.  So I decided that enough was enough and I picked up the phone and actually called some adoptive parents instead of just reading blogs.  I have now spoken to 7 adoptive moms.  Most of the moms I spoke to were super excited to talk to me about adoption and all but one spoke highly of their experience.  One mom told me that she had the same worries, “what if this happens or what if this goes wrong”…then she said “Crystal, what if it’s the greatest thing you have ever done”.  That really resonated with me.  I have spent so much time trying to find something on the internet that is going to tell me that everything will be okay.  It’s just not out there.    I wanted to write this so that other PAP’s will know that if you are having these same thoughts I think they are probably normal. 

Starting to enjoy the process!

I just bought this super cute little bubble.  I love Zulily!  Now I just need a green bow or headband to go with it.

Hmmm

Time to start thinking about her room.  I really want something different...

http://www.babybedding.com/modern-floral-crib-bedding

Getting Excited

I'm getting super excited.  I just mailed off the last of our paperwork to AAC and we have our final homestudy interview tomorrow! 

Where are we with the adoption?

I have completed gathering all of the paperwork for my international agency aside from waiting on the FBI background check.  We had our individual interviews with our home study agency a couple of weeks ago and will have our couples interview next week.  We hope to have our home study completed and to our international agency (AAC) by the first of June or sooner.  I spoke with AAC and she thought we could get a referral as early as June but most likely it will be this fall.  This fall would be better because I still need to earn some more money to pay for everything but having the children closer in age would be great too.  Either way we are very excited.

Thoughts of mine that have nothing to do with adoption.

I have never really been someone who watched Oprah but since it is her final season I decided to start DVRing it.  So Friday after work she had Chris Rock on and a quote he said was so great..."being rich means having options".  I believe this is so true.  The more money you have the more options you have.  Options on where you want to live, options on how you want to dress, or what you want to do...I feel Joe and I are far from rich but it does feel like for the first time in my life I'm starting to have a few options and it really makes you think about who you are and what you want for your life.

Secondly my little sister will have her first born this week.  What an awesome time seeing a couple become a family.  This will be the first addition to our family since my boys were born.  I can't wait to hold her and see her. 

Neighbors...Joe and I were talking yesterday about how much we really like our neighbors.  I just feel like we have a lot in common.  Our kids are around the same ages, we like to do the same things.  I couldn't ask for a better place to raise my kids.

New Photo Editing Software

So I'm super excited about this new photo editing software I found.  It is super easy to use!  Here are my before and after.