Lately Polina doesn't want me out of her sight! She gets upset if I have one of the boys sitting on my lap and will try her best to push them off. She will often come and set her hand on me and suck her thumb. If I'm not laying by her when she wakes up she gets upset. Tonight I handed her to daddy to put her to bed and she screamed like I had handed her to a monster. Once I leave, she is fine but it's exhausting when you hear "mama, mama, mama" one billion times a day. Don't get me wrong Polina is doing awesome and is a joy to have around but sometimes I just want to sit down for a minute without being told what to do. Has anyone else had this issue?
I have!!!!!! Mine was usually when a new baby came though. I know it's hard to believe, but she won't always be that way some day she'll grow up and on some days she may not even know who you are. Really though, I know she did not get by with so much where she lived before it was very structured. She is testing you. You must be her mother even if it means she'll like daddy best after that. You must treat her like you would if she had been born to you. Love her, have rules, and put her in her own room and bed! I love you baby girl, MOM*
ReplyDeleteYes. With one of my bio kids and also with my Anna. She is 14 now and still likes to "check in" with me and say I love you often. It used to annoy me more. But as I think about what she went through, being dragged across the world to a place where everyone spoke a new language I try to give her a few breaks feeling like she does from time to time. The early years are tough but they do grow up!
ReplyDeleteAttachment is so tricky. In general I think adopted kids have felt the loss of an important person(s) in their life and I think they are going to do what they can to be sure it doesn't occur again. Sounds so crazy for such a young child to feel that, but I think they sense it. It seems like she loves you so much and she just doesn't want anything to get in the way or make that end.
ReplyDeleteOliver and I were alone in Russia for 13 days, we got lots of bonding in. When we got home he was pretty scared of Jim. Jim would come in the room and Oliver would run out and find me. After about a month things got a bit better and after 3-4 it was much better. Now, a year in he will finally play in his playroom, alone, while I cook dinner or straighten the house.
Sure she needs rules and structure, yadda, yadda, but her story is different than a bio kid's story and I think that sometimes means it's okay to treat her a bit differently.
Hang in there friend! I feel that way everyday and I haven't had the stress of bonding like you have! Take a walk, drink a glass of wine, get a massage...you deserve it! It's ok to take a break!
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